seeing through the veil; an epiphany.

What is it that makes certain people tick? As well as you think you know someone, you've probably just begun to break the surface. Some people blame inadequacies on others, some on inanimate objects, and sometimes on society. In this day and age, the people that tend to get ahead are the ones that will walk over others to get there. This me, me, me mentality is starting to overtake our cities and town's. Taking with it, the people we hold dear.

I am not a sheep, I will not blindly be led to slaughter with the 'promise' of change. I've watched from the sidelines, the bench, hell- the fucking goal-line at the way you treat people, I've been a victim of it first hand on numerous occasions. It's scary how easily you function behind this mask of lies, using the knowledge you've gained previously to keep you on your toes. Everything is so smooth, so charming, it sounds so real... when you want it to. You're a fantastic actress and I bet you bring mad skills to a heated game of charades, but when it comes to friendship, you fall short in the end. Nothing is upfront, you always have a hidden agenda and the worst part, you don't care who you hurt in the process.

Do not refer to somebody as a friend when you haven't been a friend to them in months. You run through friends like fiends run through needles. You've made the short-term friend list and I doubt you'll ever turn up on the other one.

It's the little things that count. Communication is everything. But, when that communication is nothing but a canard tale of what you believe people want to hear to end the conflict, it serves no purpose trying.

You say you love your friends, but let me fill you in on something, love is not spending hours talking shit behind someones back. Love is standing up for those that are important to you. You know exactly whom I speak of, you may be six years older than her, but you're not even half the woman she is and that's on her bad days.

embracing people not pillows; a welcome change.

I believe a thank you is in order, for the nice girl up on Margaret St. A long time friend, now reappearing in my life more and more, is showing me a different view on things. I'm beginning to even question the whole solitude stance, it's quite the anomaly in the equation that is now known as my life.

When are we most vulnerable? I'm sure this question has been pondered many times and I bet you would be hard-pressed to find somebody who wouldn't answer, "in our sleep; in bed". Waking up, entwined within a soft, warm, and friendly body, has got to be one of the most comforting feelings when you really break it down. There need not be complications, awkwardness, or standard college age behavior, because when it comes down to it, the part I miss most of not being alone, is not sleeping alone.

We've known each other for quite a substantial amount of time, yet we've also been out of touch for awhile. It's nice to know that after this lapse in time, we click back into sync. I felt just as comfortable around you this morning as I did in our past and it means a lot to have another real friend to add to my short list of people worth a damn.

Thanks for being there, it means more than you probably know.

waking up; a prelude of sorts.

Alarm clocks seem to have the most unpleasent sound early in the morning. Scratch that, I really mean early afternoon, but seriously who's counting? These noise devices we use chain us to the real world, awaking us from a dream, a moment, or just plain sleep. What happens when you wish you could stay in this dream world? When you wake up and suddenly realize that you dont belong here.

Lying down earlier while my mind was ever wandering, I realized that things are totally different then how I want them to be. I have fewer friends now then I did at the lowest point in my twenty three years existing. Don't get me wrong, this is by no means a pity post, I'm fully aware of why I have such few people I want to be around. What I'm really scared about though, is that slowly, the one person left that matters is drifting away. But, it is to early to really tell so i'll keep holding on.

Solitude, scared of it, sure. Completely ok with it? Yes. I've been alone for so long that I really dont know anything else, what's bothering me though, is how much I want to be alone.